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TL;DR
Jan 24, 2013 10:50:02 GMT -5
Post by Shadow Lass on Jan 24, 2013 10:50:02 GMT -5
So...
If it hasn't already been plainly obvious, my personal activity on the site has somewhat dwindled to disappointing levels. It wouldn't be a big deal otherwise, except I'm the administrator and it's my job to be here and to ensure that this board stays afloat. But I haven't and in a way my failure to do so is greatly reflected on the current status of the board.
I'm sorry.
Before you start freaking out, no I'm not shutting down the site. I'm not closing, putting it on hiatus - blah blah. I don't intend to do that, well I hope it doesn't come to that. So get that thought out of your head.
I just wanted to express why I've been having such difficulties in mustering any fictional writing on the board. I hope it helps ease any thoughts that make you think - OMG She's TOTALLY FLAKING ON US!
So here goes:
School has been really getting to me. Like seriously, I've been in school for five years and I have NOTHING to show for it outside of scattered credits. I spent the first four years of my college career trying to figure out what I wanted to do, transferring to three different schools to realize that I've pretty much wasted my time. I've spent the last five years of my life considering myself a failure... especially when I sat in on graduation dinner parties with a bunch of my friends. Right now I'm trying to figure out the fastest out of college, even if it means a bullshit degree. At this point I don't care anymore, I just need to get out and get into the real world. Outside of the degree I know I have the personality and balls to take risks and get a decent job. I also have the work experience the only thing holding me back is my lack of a college degree. I think about this everyday you see and I wonder to myself why the hell I spent my whole life waiting for college only to be such a failure at the whole thing.
Anything I write is absolutely terrible. No seriously, don't sugar coat it and say: "No Eryca, it's totally fine - you wrote a great piece". As a writer I feel like the quality of my writing has significantly decreased and it pains me to force myself to write something. Especially when I know it is ABSOLUTE crap. Hell, this whole memo I'm writing is probably so poorly written and you won't even browse the entire piece. I know I wouldn't. I can't explain why, but my writing has been absolutely lackluster and I know it shows. Maybe it's a lack of reading, maybe it's because I'm not focusing - whatever it is... it's really impeding on my ability to produce anything worth reading here. And as your admin and the person who scrutinizes your posts I don't think I should be producing poor work. So if I can't write anything nice... I just can't write anything at all.
I've been working on self-improvement a lot lately. Gonna be honest with you, I spend WAY too much time on the computer. Like seriously an unhealthy amount that is probably considered the norm in this day and age. I experienced a neck injury over the summer that rendered me completely useless. That included working out, walking around my house - ANYTHING. But in light of the New Year (cheesy I know) and some motivation received, I have been working really hard on improving myself. Since my inhibition to work out, I've jumped from 120 pounds to 130 and as someone who is 5'3" I feel absolutely disgusting in my own skin. So since the end of December, ever since I got motivated I started running every other day again and doing aerobic exercises every day. It's not as intense as I used to work out, but after my injury I know I won't be the same for quite some time. Unfortunately, this self improvement phase also means I've been trying to limit my time on the computer. I've been reading more books now, doing arts and crafts, anything to just keep myself away from the computer and prevent myself from accomplishing nothing all day. I'm just trying to be a better me.
I am absolutely terrible an managing my personal hobbies and things I actually need to do. I'm a really efficient worker and what not, but when it comes to my hobbies like being on We Are Legion, I seriously don't know how to space out my timing on the forum. Sometimes I just log on and accomplish nothing and that makes me feel terrible. I feel a huge responsibility to this board you guys, like seriously I want it to do well, I want us all to have a place to come on and just chill out, do what we do best and be satisfied by our work here. But right now I'm not giving that to you, to me - to anyone and that makes me feel terrible.
I'm just being a bum. Legitimately, I think I'm just being lazy sometimes or suffer from a lack of motivation. Maybe it's because I am down on myself all the time, or maybe it's because I'm just not feeling the same intensity for life and all things living anymore. I'm a little gloomy right now and I think it just all revolves around my schooling, my financial problems, and just any other problem I have or think I have. As a result, this all makes me lethargic, unwilling, and just overall gives me a blah feeling. Blah doesn't really help when you're trying to think of a way to make this forum or life in general run. I'm just burned out and I need a spark to get me started again.
And that's where I'll end my rant and just step away now. I know it's a lot to absorb and I probably wrote a lot of unnecessary information, but I feel like it is only your right to know. You've all invested so much time and effort here and I don't want you all to think I don't care. I do, I really, really do. You can ask my boyfriend, he spent so many cuddle-less nights because I was too busy doing things for this forum (hahaha). So don't count me out yet... I'm just trying to figure some stuff out. Heck writing this out makes me feel a little better.
See you on the forums!
~ Tasmia
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TL;DR
Jan 24, 2013 11:10:53 GMT -5
Post by Timber Wolf on Jan 24, 2013 11:10:53 GMT -5
*reads the whole lot* Based on all that, maybe taking a little bit of a personal break/hiatus from the forums would help? See if that gets your drive back.
I'd also suggest appointing one or two actual mods (give them the powers to review and/or approve apps and all) to help things move along and stop the place from dying.
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TL;DR
Jan 24, 2013 18:05:49 GMT -5
Post by Brainiac 5 on Jan 24, 2013 18:05:49 GMT -5
Hey there Tas/Eryca/Admin/idk something cute here. As someone who has been taking psychology for two years, I think that somehow qualifies me to at least give my two cents. After reading through the entirety of the message, which was very comprehensible btw(at least compared to my writing), I can definitely feel where you're coming from. As someone who has always been a procrastinator I've found when I reflect on myself, I don't like what direction I have taken, and I expected more from myself. You're not alone, there are plenty of people who just can seem to "get it right". Now read these two words....REALLY read them. "School.Sucks" and I know there are people who beg to differ but the truth of the matter is that it does. It has been proven to be a very stressful weight for teens and young adults, and I have to agree...It's not all it's cut up to be. A common trait amongst some students seems to be a helpless feeling, and I can relate. If you don't really know exactly what you want to do in life, then how do you go about doing it? Well Listen, Graduating college in today's society may be a crucial thing, but don't let that bring you down. Honestly, I feel a lot of schools never really go "my pace" and if you at that point, then It's hard to get out, but I am confident you'll come out successfully from that endeavor. It's proven by the simple fact you feel like you need to change. That is the hardest step ever....seriously....You're freaking Superman(Not the N52 Action comics one..the good one) for doing just that. Another thing. Opinion is subjective..aaaaaand, you're your worst critic....Both of those things are true. Don't "I know I'm a terrible writer, Don't try to make me feel better" me, I've heard it all. I could think you're the next Shakespeare, and the next guy could think your Rob Liefeld. I personally think your an adequate writer(so essentially better than me), and you shouldn't bring yourself down about it, because you're the only one who thinks so. You're probably going to disregard that anyway, because you's is your own arch enemy and all that jazz. As for Management...I've run five forums in my time...I failed each time to successfully manage them all either from disinterest or simply being to busy or lazy to check in. It's understandable, and I agree with Brin, that's what moddies are for, to do all the stuff the admin is too lazy too IMHO, I think you should take a break from the computer, and evaluate what you want to do with your life. Don't take all of your flaws, and obstacles full force, or it'll overwhelm you. Take it one at a time, and you'll find problems become rather easy to tackle. Trust Calvin, He's smart. Just take each problem in order of importance, Your site'll survive. Seriously I nominate Brin for Mod, as she is awesomely awesome, and yea, and perhaps a certain Brain themed person as well..Just saying. Chances are you've probablly heard all my garble before, but maybe that's because I'm right? idk? Think about it...I'mma go eat a hot pocket, why? Because I can! ^.^ Seriously heed what I've said, I care for my admins, and want to see the best for them!
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TL;DR
Jan 26, 2013 12:47:25 GMT -5
Post by Saturn Girl on Jan 26, 2013 12:47:25 GMT -5
Well as Tas may or may not be on here that often at the moment. I have the authority to run and help on this site, as I am the other Admin. Legion will continue to run and be active, it will not be going in active or anything of the sort.
I haven't been the best at being active, but we all have lives and not all of us can live on the computer. (As awesome as that would be). That being said, I will be more active on here and be the one accepting characters and other such administrative duties.
~Avi
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